Writing is never my thing but they say it helps.
It helps because it’s therapeutic in a way, it helps because it acts as an avenue for you to express your thoughts and never be afraid of what people might think. It’s a way to release hegemonic hormones and wild imaginations and impulsive ideas. It’s a way of communicating your raw feelings and emotions to whomever you want it for. No one can stop you this way, no one can interrupt you in anyway. The words will just flow along with heartbeats and pulses, along with the rush of blood and adrenaline, along with memories and scents that bring back tears, laughter and what-ifs.
I want to write because I’ve got so much in my mind.
I want to write because I can be honest with myself.
I want to write because no one hears.
I want to write because I could not keep everything to myself anymore.
I’ve been disappointing myself lately. I’ve been gaining weight, losing sight of my everyday and life time goal. I haven’t been studying properly, I haven’t been practicing debate, I haven’t been eating healthy, or exercising and I’ve been insecure. I’ve been unorganized, I’ve been a hypocrite and I’ve been lying. I’ve been insensitive and reckless. I’ve felt ugly and disgusting and sometimes I wished I was somebody else.
For the past days I tried to make myself a happier person by going to spas and getting a massage, facial and also threaded my brows. I also went to different cafés and restaurants to eat and drink whatever it is that I liked. I also skipped classes because of selfishness, all because I wanted to exercise or sleep the whole day. My life’s been a mess. I need saving real bad.
But really, even if I know what the solution is, I still keep on forgetting. I forget to pray, I forget to read his word, I forget to worship and give thanks. I fail to always remind myself and I always fail Him.
I’m writing because I want my journey to be recorded in full, of how I will overcome things, when I fail and what it is that I feel. I want this to be an hones revelation of my life journey. I hope this will be a success story overcoming every insecurities, reaching my fitness goals and school goals plus debate goals and spiritual goals. I want to see myself grow into a better person and it begins now.